Revisionist History

I had students do a mini research project on race in America today…and it brought me to this conversation with a student.

Me: What was the most interesting article you read?
Boy 1: Um…Well, this one was about these statues…
Me: Oh good! That’s a great topic for our discussion tomorrow. What did you think about it?
Boy 1: Well, I don’t really get it.
Me: Which part didn’t you get?
Boy 1: I don’t know what this means. [points to the paper]
Me: Confederate?
Boy 1: Yeah. I don’t know what that is.
Me: When we talk about the Confederacy, we’re talking about a historic region of the United States.
Boy 1: OK…
Me: Do you have any idea what region that would be?
Boy 1: Pittsburgh?
Boy 2: Naw dog! Baltimore! [in his semi-defense, we read an article about Baltimore last week]
Me: Nooooo…The Confederacy came about during a major military conflict…
Boy 1: The Great Depression?
Me: No. A major military conflict.
Boy 1: Like a war?
Me: Yes. What was the name of that war?
[Boy 1’s eyes grow wide; he sits with his mouth open.]
[Girl leans over and whispers Civil War.]
Boy 1: Oh, yeah, the Civil War.
Me: Yes, ohmygosh, the Civil War. And the Confederacy was one half of that conflict. Do you remember what two sides fought in the Civil War?
Boy 1: [hesitantly] Yeeeesss…
Me: So which side was the Confederacy? Remember, you’ve already suggested a couple of northern cities and I said no.
Boy 1: The…North…?
Me: No!
Boy 1: So….the…South…?
Me: Yes! The Civil War was fought between the northern states, the Union, and the southern states, or the Confederacy. And what were they fighting about?
Boy 1: Ssssssss….
Me: Yes! Say that word!
Boy 1: Slavery?
Me: Yes! The Civil War was fought over the issue of slavery. The northern states wanted to end it, but the southern states didn’t. Bonus question: Who was president during the Civil War?
Boy 2: [quickly and proud of himself] George Washington!
Boy 1: [immediately after, snapping his fingers] JFK!
Me: Oh! My! God! I’m going to have a seizure over here!
Boy 2: Hey, these are hard questions! How are we supposed to know this? Man, this is English class, not history!
Me: These aren’t “history” questions! These are common knowledge questions! You guys! Who was president during the Civil War?
Boy 2: [overhears another boy say the answer, but clearly only hears part of it] Abraham! It was Abraham! Abraham was president during the Civil War!
Me: That’s only his first name. What was Abraham’s last name? [the boys blink at me] You guys! Come on!
Boy 3: Abraham Lincoln.
Boys 1 & 2: Yeah! Abraham Lincoln! I’ve heard of him!
Me: [putting my head down on the desk] I’m dying inside. You know that, right? [looking at them again] Do you both have Ms. W for history right now? [they nod] I’m totally going to tell her about this.
Boy 1: Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. She should have a warning so she doesn’t die a little too.

Bleeding vs Blackface

I had students writing out a quick list of all the things they know about racial tension in America in the mid-1900s. You know, the Civil Rights Era. They worked in small groups on posters that we then hung up for discussion.

I’m walking around, doing the good teacher thing, checking on groups and whatnot. I go over to one group, read some of the stuff on their poster, then point to something they wrote about three from the bottom. “Menstrual shows?” I ask.

“Yeah,” this boy responds. “They were really popular for a long time. It was where white people painted their faces black and put on these plays where they made fun of Black people and stuff. They really just helped make a bunch of Black stereotypes.”

“Oh! Minstrel shows!” I said.

“Yeah, menstrual shows,” he replied.

I just left it.

And you know what? That poster’s been hanging in my room now for two days. No one. Has said. A thing.

But…I AM a mom.

Girl 1: [looks in a mirror] Oh my God, I look like a mom.
Me: Woah! I take offense to that statement. I take a lot of offense to that statement.
Girl 2: Why? You don’t look like a mom.
Me: But I am a mom. So by definition, I look like a mom.
Girl 2: No, you look like Angelina Jolie.
Girl 1: Yeah, she does look like Angelina Jolie!
Girl 3: Who’s Angelina Jolie?
Girl 1: Oh my God, you don’t know who anyone is!
Girl 2: Haven’t you ever seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith?
Girl 3: Yeah.
Girl 2: Angelina Jolie is the wife in that movie.
Girl 3: Oh, yeah, that chick is hot as hell.
Girl 2: That’s Ms. H!
Me: I’m just going to pretend like I’m not being sexually harassed in class.
Girl 2: At least it’s nice sexual harassment.
Girl 1: Yeah, we’re telling you you’re hot. Not that you look like a mom.

Deez Nuts

I have two classes a day that are basically a study hall. It’s pretty boring, but sometimes that can be good, right? Anyway, it’s a transitory space where some kids spend all quarter, but a lot of them only spend a few weeks. Right now I have a kid with a name that I can’t say without giggling – and I’m thankful that since this is study hall I don’t interact with the kid often and I can actually talk to him without using his name. In a regular classroom I’d have to call on him or whatever, but in here it’s always quiet, so if I need his attention I just go sit next to him or tap him on his shoulder and wait a second for him to pull out his ear buds. I only use his name when talking to other people. I feel bad about the giggling (it’s highly unprofessional, I know), but, well, it’s funny. And because I’m aiming for anonymity on this blog and all, I can’t tell you his name. But I will tell you it’s as funny as if his name was “Deez Nutz.” Could you imagine? “Hey, did Deez Nuts turn in that grammar packet?” or “Deez Nutz was absent yesterday.” Yes! It’s that funny! But it’s not funny because it’s his name! You shouldn’t make fun of someone’s name! And really I’m not making fun; I just feel silly saying it out loud. Or reading it on his paper. Or thinking about it. Deez Nuts. Deez Nuts. Deez Nutz. It doesn’t get any less ridiculous, no matter how many times I type it!